Ma did rotating shift work at a hospital for ten years while I was growing up. We probably didn't need the money, but I suspect my father had his own reasons for wanting her out of the house as much as possible. For many years, he took her paycheck and would dole out money to her as she needed it. If her sisters were visiting, he would, in front of them, hand her lots of money to go shopping and buy whatever she fancied. My aunts, none of whom worked, praised him for his generosity and complained about their own husbands' stinginess.
Ma's father discovered quite by accident that in spite of a well-paying, full-time job, she had no access to money except through my father. After ten kids of his own and some fifty years of marriage, Grandpa never could spark much interest in the familial or marital problems of his grown children. He never thought much of women's rights, either. But this information seemed to catch him off guard. All he actually said was, "That's a hell of a thing", but that was enough for my mother to get her own bank account and start saving. Father was furious, but Ma stood her ground. Years later, that was the money she used when she left my father.
Part of the money Ma brought in was used to pay for a live-in housekeeper. She was a pretty Mexican girl who came to live with us when she was 17. After a while, Ma said, "Either she goes or I go". Father said, "She stays" and Ma learned not to make idle threats.
Eventually, the pretty Mexican girl did leave and my father, for the only time I was aware of, cried.
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When Father, in his early teens, left to join the Army, no one went with him to the train station or even as far as the front door. They said, "Goodbye" as he was leaving, but there was no further ackowledgment of his departure. They were very poor and having one less mouth to feed was a blessing.
Although he seldom went home after that, Father sent most of every paycheck back to his family, up until the time he was married. That was their main source of income.
Father's youngest sister was born a year or two after he left home. He met her when she was five. "I know who you are!", she said upon seeing him for the first time. "You're my brother. I've seen a picture!"
He was very pleased at being recognized.
Ma's father discovered quite by accident that in spite of a well-paying, full-time job, she had no access to money except through my father. After ten kids of his own and some fifty years of marriage, Grandpa never could spark much interest in the familial or marital problems of his grown children. He never thought much of women's rights, either. But this information seemed to catch him off guard. All he actually said was, "That's a hell of a thing", but that was enough for my mother to get her own bank account and start saving. Father was furious, but Ma stood her ground. Years later, that was the money she used when she left my father.
Part of the money Ma brought in was used to pay for a live-in housekeeper. She was a pretty Mexican girl who came to live with us when she was 17. After a while, Ma said, "Either she goes or I go". Father said, "She stays" and Ma learned not to make idle threats.
Eventually, the pretty Mexican girl did leave and my father, for the only time I was aware of, cried.
When Father, in his early teens, left to join the Army, no one went with him to the train station or even as far as the front door. They said, "Goodbye" as he was leaving, but there was no further ackowledgment of his departure. They were very poor and having one less mouth to feed was a blessing.
Although he seldom went home after that, Father sent most of every paycheck back to his family, up until the time he was married. That was their main source of income.
Father's youngest sister was born a year or two after he left home. He met her when she was five. "I know who you are!", she said upon seeing him for the first time. "You're my brother. I've seen a picture!"
He was very pleased at being recognized.
posted by d~ at
2:27 PM
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